I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
