Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
