we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
