I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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