i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
