some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
