i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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