I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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