One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
