Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
