I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
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you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
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Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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