My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
