i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
