When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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