You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
