Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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