dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
