I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
