Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
