Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
