For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
COCAINE IS GR8
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
