so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
God I need to hump something, right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
