actually, I'm a sock model
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
