Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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