Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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