I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize