New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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