If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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