THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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