I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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