Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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