Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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