I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
