I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
