i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
