You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
