so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
