If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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