So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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