You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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