Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
