I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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