wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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