I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
