you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
