I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
