There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
