If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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