Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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