Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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