allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
