onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
