Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
