Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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