who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
