we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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