every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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