I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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