Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
