The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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