What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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