You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
