Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
