rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize